Ode to Ivy

I am one lucky girl. I was blessed with the most amazing baby girl. No seriously. She is such a good baby! It's like she knows we have our hands full already trying our best to handle TWO babies, so she doesn't make a fuss. Hardly ever. If she cries, it's only for a short period to let us know she's hungry. She sits quietly and observes. She gives me a HUGE smile whenever she sees me and loves to crack up laughing. And this little baby is a talker! She will sit and have conversations with me whenever she's awake - because she loves to sleep. And of course, she easily sleeps through the night. How did we get so lucky??? I often sit and stare at her beautiful face and wonder what kind of person she will grow up to be. What kind of dreams will she have? What kind of places will she see? Who will her best friends be? Will she love the arts? Would she want to play an instrument? Dance? Sing? ACT??? Will she always give people that beautiful smile? I hope so. I want her to live a happy life and bring so much joy to the world. It's unreal just how much she's changed me. Just how much you can love someone in 3 short months. Actually, I confess, it was a lot quicker than that - but it gets stronger everyday. Just when I don't think I can love her anymore than I already do - tomorrow comes. I hear stories from other new moms who complain about how their baby constantly cries or fusses or doesn't sleep through the night. How their baby prefers daddy over mommy or vice versa. And hearing these stories, I realize what a blessing I was given.

To my sweet Ivy, Today is May 31st. I've already had my first Mother's Day and I can't believe 3 months have passed since I held you all pink and tiny in my arms. I cannot believe how much you smile and laugh and hold your head up all on your own. But most of all, I cannot believe that it is possible to love you more with every day. You make my heart sing, my love. I have to be honest, it wasn't long before that I wasn't what most people would call "mommy material". Before you, I was wild and carefree, I didn't think about the future much. You, my sweet little angel, changed me. From the moment I discovered you were growing in my belly, I vowed to be the best mom I could be. To be a mom that you and Nicolas would be proud of. To be a mom you will love, trust and always know that no matter what, in my eyes you are perfect. I know that I will make mistakes, and I know that as you get older, I will embarrass you and you won't want to snuggle with me like you're doing now as I write this. This makes me sad, but I know that as an individual you will need your space to grow. But I want you to know something...No matter how old you are, no matter what you do, and no matter who you become, I will always love you with every fiber of my being. After all, you're the only one that knows what my heart sounds like from the inside. <3 Love, Mom

Another Year Gone...

Yes. Its true. I'm another year older. I celebrated with family on Sunday in Corpus Christi. The day after my high school reunion. It's funny how fast you can revert back to your high school self once you see those old friends. Its as if no time had gone by - for most of us. ;) I had a good time even though I debated about going for some time now. It was kind of weird when people were talking about my acting career and would introduce me as the "actress in Hollywood". I quickly corrected them with "I used to be... I'm a mom now." Maybe that was the weird part. It's feeling more and more normal as each day goes by. Ivy is growing bigger every day - she will be 3 months in a week. And Nicolas turned 9 months today. He is so big! Almost walking now. And Ivy just chats away with full on facial expressions. She's going to be just like her momma - a chatterbox. :) This was probably the first birthday where I wasn't a little bit depressed. On every birthday I've always felt like something was missing. Like I should be DOING something, or experiencing something else. And this year, it felt good to spend it with my family. Now that these years are going by faster, it's less about me and getting older, and more about my babies and how much they are growing!

This sucks...

My 20 year high school reunion WOULD happen right after I just gave birth! :( (3 months ago counts as JUST giving birth, right?) Ugh. Don't feel like parading my still-pregnant looking body around a bunch of people I haven't seen in 20 years. It's pretty frustrating to stare at a closet full of clothes I used to be able to wear, and push them aside for the maternity clothes that still fit me. And trying to find the time to exercise while I take care of two infants is pretty challenging. But I plan to start a healthy eating and exercise plan....soon. Maybe after my birthday. Which is Sunday. So Monday? Yeah. I'll start Monday. ;)

My On Star Commercial

Watch it HERE

Believe it Can Happen

Well, hello world! I am back! After having a broken laptop for 8 1/2 months, I finally feel reconnected to the web! I have purchased my MacBook Pro (Happy Mother's Day to me!) and am back online! YAY!!!! So, here I am. At home. With no time to blog like I used to. But I will try and make time between caring for Nicolas and Ivy, laundry, cooking, running errands, and playgroups. When did I become a desperate housewife??? ;) Oh yeah, when I left LA and moved back to Texas. That's right. But let me tell you, Life is pretty awesome! I can't help but to remember what my days were like in Hollywood. I'm talking my day to day life. If I was LUCKY, I had an audition (or even TWO!) sometime in my day that I had to prepare for, meaning review my sides, figure out what headshot to bring, figure out exactly where I was going, and allow at least an hour to get there - no matter where it was in the city. Sounds like a full day, huh? Well, those were the days when I actually had an audition - which wasn't as often as I would hope for - or people would assume. Most of my days were spent either in my acting class (once a week with Howard Fine), teaching classes at Actorsite, running the workshops in the evening, and/or dropping headshots off at casting offices through my side business The Actor's Courier. If I didn't have class, or an audition, or I've done the drops for that week already - I had nothing. AND I MEAN NOTHING GOING ON. So I would try not to bore myself to death at home. Maybe take a walk to Whole Foods. Maybe find a friend who was bored that day too, to kill time with. Maybe watch way too much television. I'm so used to being super busy every minute of my day that I would go crazy sitting at home twiddling my thumbs - which I did often. That thumb twiddling can get pretty lonely and depressing after a while. I would daydream about being needed by other people - a family. Dream about the day where my days were about other people and not myself. Busy with family life. I never thought those dreams would come true. Seriously. Just like I never thought that my dream career would ever come true - but I had 10 years in a city where most people can't handle, in an industry where most people aren't successful, and I found Success! How crazy is that?? And now, here I am, in another successful path that I chose - talk about empowering! It really does make me feel like I can accomplish anything I set my mind to! You really can have the things you want in life! You just have to allow yourself to receive them. I know that may sound corny or very "The Secret" - but it's true. You can bring all the things you want to yourself if you just believe it can happen. I believed. Do you?

Back to Acting...

Well, this week I was a working actor - again. Yeah, I know, I was supposed to put this whole acting career behind me now that I moved on to my next role as "mommy". I guess old habits are hard to break. ;) This week I worked on the PBS Series The Latino Americans in San Antonio. It was nice...I got put up in a nice hotel and brought along my family for two nights. I only shot one day, but it was a LONG day! I met a lot of great people and had a great time working on this project. There were TWO directors on this! I've never worked with two directors directing the same episode. That was interesting! I thought it would be difficult since they would have two points of view on how they wanted things shot - but they worked together well. We filmed in this beautiful historical house in the King Williams area.

I played a very homely looking woman (Sorry Francisca - my character) so no makeup, hair split down the middle, tons of clothing making me look like a ball of fabric. Fun fun fun. Not the best thing for my self esteem right after having a baby! I don't even want to post a pic of myself since I looked so horrible! The Actor's Fair was this weekend in Austin. I was so excited and pleased to see it all come together. We have an actual professional community here! I worked the SAG-AFTRA table along with giving info on the Austin Actor's Conservatory and TXMPA. I met a lot of different actors and am excited to get more involved in this community. Just not sure in what capacity just yet. If I ever peel myself from the acting world, maybe I can venture off into other areas full time like I had planned. I ended up auditioning for Drop Dead Diva this weekend also. (Not a strong effort in stepping away, huh?) When the opportunities come, I can't seem to say no. My audition was difficult. I think it was because it was an emotional scene and when you are not feeling it 100%, it feels fake. Not sure why it was so hard for me this time around. Maybe because I took a year and a half off? Not sure. But I left that audition with a strong reminder why I wanted to quit acting altogether. I felt like I sucked! Then the PBS shoot happened and I felt good again. Go figure! In other news... My baby girl is 2 months old today and Nicolas is 8 months old! My how time flies!

Finally a New Post!

Well hello out there! Sorry I have been a stranger, but I was a bit busy bringing a beautiful child into this world! ;) Yes, after what felt like an eternity being pregnant - I finally gave birth! Ivy Rose was born on 3/3/12 weighing in at 7 lbs 2 oz.

So, yes, now I have TWO babies - under the age of ONE. No, I have no idea how I'm doing it. IF I'm even doing it!

But these two beautiful babies are in my life now, and let me tell you - THIS is the hardest job I've ever had. Shoot - this is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life! But the most beautiful and rewarding thing I've ever done. No, I'm not getting any sleep. And yes, there are really hard days where I fantisize about my cushy life as an actress in Hollywood - but I wouldn't take any of it back! My happiness that used to be fulfilled by bookings and days on set have been replaced by smiles and laughter by these two little munchkins. And all that time in California, when I felt like something was "missing" - I think I found it - in these two. :) Man, they've even made me mushier! Lol So I have turned into a SAHM. (That's a mom acronym for "Stay at Home Mom".) But I did find out this week that I booked a role on the PBS series The Latino Americans that is shooting here in Texas! :) I didn't even have to audition. I submitted my headshot and was cast from that. Nice. I work one day at the end of this month - which makes it easier for me to do it. Life is good. Life is REALLY good....

Well, I'm officially 32 weeks pregnant and I still can't wrap my head around that fact! I think because my days are spent taking care of a baby already that it's been hard for me to comprehend that I will give birth to a baby very soon. It all seems very surreal. But here I am, with a growing belly and a soon to be 5 month old baby who happens to be very sick at the moment. He's been battling a cold for the past week. I took him in to see his doctor and they found that he had an ear infection as well- not to mention a tooth breaking in on his bottom gum. Poor baby has so much going on at once. They prescribed anti-biotics and he seems like hes doing better. Fingers crossed. We have been packing all week long - or trying to! We get the keys to our new place on Friday! Yay!!! I'm still in awe that we will be paying only $50 more for this house than what I was paying for my one bedroom apartment in West Hollywood right before I left. Crazy huh?? Gotta LOVE Texas!!! :)

We had the first of my two baby showers this weekend. I have been to plenty of showers and I usually hate the stupid games we end up playing there. So I made sure none of those cheesy games are played at any of my showers! The second one will be in Corpus with my family in a couple of weeks. :) The first one was a small gathering of friends in town. We had a great time! Here is my cute cake:

I did attend Lamaze classes in preparation for the birth of my little girl. Wow - just typing that is weird... I wonder when this will all feel real. I'm sure sometime during labor... LOL My due date is March 18th. I can't believe how fast it's approaching! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today

Well, Nicolas is already 3 months! And I'm already 6 months pregnant! And it's coming up on a year that I've been back in texas - where does the time go??? This is insane. Here is Nic at 3 months :)

Look at that handsome smile! So I figured I would just relax my last few months of being pregnant, but no such dream will happen... We are moving soon, just after the new year. So packing will begin soon. We are staying in Austin, just moving to a bigger place to accomodate our growing family. And I signed on to cast another project. I'm currectly casting a SAG short film called Breaking the Curse. My audition sessions are tomorrow and callbacks are next weekend. I'd like to think after we move and after this baby is born, maybe THEN I can rest. haha Yeah right, with a newborn and a 6 month old? Sleep is not in my distant future. Maybe next christmas? So I've been getting a few emails from blog readers who have read my journey in Hollywood (THANK YOU!) and had some questions about how I got started. I realized when I started this blog a few years ago, I never talked about exactly HOW I got my first agent in Hollywood. So here it goes... My first week that I moved to LA in Feb 2001, I blindly submitted my headshot for the Showtime series Resurrection Blvd. Somehow they called me in to audition. And somehow I landed a callback. I didn't get the role, but afterwards, I called the casting office and told them I had just auditioned for them and I was new in town, and if they had any agencies they could recommend to me. It's not the most appropriate route to take, but since I was new, I didn't know any better. They rattled off about 7 agencies they liked and respected and called often, and I submitted to those agencies. I didn't hear back after a couple of weeks so I picked up the phone. I was told they would get back to me if they were interested - phone call after phone call. Then, by the end of the list, I was getting tired of the same old drill so I started my last conversation with "Casting Director ______ referred me to your office. I sent in a package...did you receive it?" The agent said he wasn't sure but to come on in on Monday and audition. I did. He said I blew him away and he signed me. I was with him for about 5 years before I switched to a larger, more prominent agency after my career started to take off. Now, my current agent was found through, yet again, an untraditional route. I subscribe to imdbpro which lists addresses, phone numbers and email addresses to the agents who have their info listed. I had my target list of about 10 agencies, and I had just tested for a series regular on FOX so I had something to offer these larger agencies. So in my subject line, I used that. I wrote "Just Tested for a Series Regular on a FOX pilot" and in the body of the email, I introduced myself and attached my headshots and resume. Minutes after I sent that, I received a phone call from one of the agencies towards the top of my target list. :) He said he never opens these submission emails. He normally hits delete, but for some reason, he opened mine. And somehow it ended up that he didn't have anyone like me on his client list. I was brought in for a meeting and signed with them. I'm still with Mike Eisenstadt over at Amsel, Eisenstadt, and Frazier - even though I moved back to Texas. And they have been just wonderful! :) So you can do what everyone tells you is the right way or you can do what works for you. You never know the outcome unless you take a chance. Be bold.

The Mommy Life

Yes, my computer is still broken, which means the blog updates are few and far between. Sorry about that - but I'm stubborn and prefer to hold out until I can afford a Mac! :) And it's difficult to update from my iphone, so unless I have access to a computer, blogging has stalled for me. :( I will try to get to it as often as I can, but as you know, my plate has been full these days...
So we are creeping up on week 22 of this pregnancy. Let me tell you, I'm not one of those moms who LOVE being pregnant! It's very weird actually. And uncomfortable. And stressful. Not sure if I would do it again. But I hear you feel differently after the little one enters the world. Hm. We'll see....And speaking of entering the world...Can someone else PLEASE give birth to this baby other than me? Or can I go to sleep and wake up and it's over?? I fear the delivery process. Call me a wuss. I don't care.
It's weird because I'm officially showing now. I can tell I'm showing because I can't stick in my stomach even if I tried! And everyday it keeps getting bigger! It's such a trip! But luckily, the second trimester is WAY better than the first. I'm not in as much pain, I have more energy, and my spirits are in a better a place. But I hear that the third trimester is all downhill! ARGH!!!! Lol. Great. Juuuust Great.
Nicolas is getting bigger everyday, right along with me. He's 2 months now and we have had the pleasure of making him smile and gurgle and laugh. It's awesome :) He had to get his 2 month vaccination shots last week and you should've seen me! It was hard to see him get upset and in pain! Poor baby... But it's all to keep him healthy. It's amazing to see him grow and learn and develop everyday. It's a blessing. It truly is - and we are so thankful to have him in our lives. :-)

The holidays are just around the corner and so is our moving day. We plan to move from South Austin to North Austin just after the new year. The plan is to get into a house big enough for our growing brood. Exciting! I would like to get us settled in and moved with enough time before this baby is due. (march 18th, 2012)

By the way...It's a GIRL! :) Now I have to come up with a name that we can all live with for the rest of our lives! This mommy stuff is HARD WORK! ;)

Life is good...

The UPDATE

ok, First off, my computer has been broken for the past three weeks. :( I thought it was just the backlight, but apparently the problem lies with the connection from the motherboard to the backlight, and I was told it wasn't fixable. Or worth it actually. So, that explains part of why I've slacked on the blog here...
While I shop around for a new laptop, (I'm thinking of a macbook pro...), I'm hooking up my computer to my TV just so I can get a screen for now. fun fun fun...
Another reason why I've been gone for a while is...I've been busy being a mom. Huh?! What?! Yup. I adopted a newborn just three weeks ago. A family member asked me to take him while she was pregnant back in May, and I agreed, so little Nicolas was born August 29, 2011. :) And I've had him ever since. It's an adjustment considering he's my first baby. But now I bring you to the other news...
I found out just 6 weeks after I agreed to take this little one into my heart and family, that I am expecting myself! I'm due March 18th, 2012 and the two kiddos will be just 7 short months apart! Fun fun fun... hahah Actually, I do expect it to be fun, along with a ton of hard work! I'm still spinning from the changes in my life - and trying to mentally wrap my heard around it all.
But I do have to say we had to let cute little Luca go. We placed her with a great family that would give her all the attention that we weren't able to. As soon as we brought Nicolas home, our world revolved around him, and the poor puppy didn't get all the attention she deserved. So now that she is in a good home, all is right in the world... :)
So yes, my life is crazy hectic with late night feedings and diaper changes, but this was the journey I was searching for when I left Hollwyood.
Now, I'm sitting here pondering the pros and cons of being a stay-at-home mother vs going back to work. I do want to stay and give them all my time and energy, but at the same time, I know an extra income will make our lives easier, and maybe even keep me sane with adult interaction daily! We'll see...
I did apply for an amazing job here in Austin today. It sounded pretty awesome, so I sent in my resume. I'm not going to apply for just anything. It would have to be a pretty kick ass job to leave the babies with someone else during the day...
....We'll see what happens...

New Addition to the Family

Her name is Luca. She lives on the 2nd fl. Lol

So, I have had my cat for 15 years until she passed away this past New Year's Day. I've always wanted a dog, I just couldn't have one while I had Precious. So this is my first official live-in dog. I had my dog Benson who lived at my parents' house until he died an early death. :(
We named her Luca, and she is totaly adorable. About 6 weeks old, and around 90% Lab, 10% who knows. So yes, we are crazy to take on this big responsibilty right now, but what the hell! What is life if you don't take chances and aren't willing to make changes that could change your life? ;)
So she is our puppy. And puppy training will begin in September at Petco for 6 weeks! haha Tonight is her first night with us. I hope she transitions well...

Here's to a future filled with happiness, snuggles, and smiles...

Who's Life is This? :)

I barely recognize my life anymore! So much has changed in less than a year, it's unbelieveable. I remember this time last year, I was getting used to my one bedroom apartment in West Hollywood (that I paid $1150 a month for!). I had my Acting class with Howard Fine (I miss everyone!), my auditions (whenever I had any..), and my Audition Technique classes I taught over at Actorsite in North Hollywood. Not to mention the courier business I has started, The Actor's Courier. I kept myself busy, and I hung out with friends as much as possible, but I still was lonely and unhappy. I felt like every year was the same for the past 10 years. I auditioned for things, booked work, went to class, taught class, and started all over again the following year. I wanted a HUGE change to happen in my life. And Boy, did it! :)
I'm living in, and loving, Austin Texas. I've been here in February. Back in Texas since December. In a short 8 months, I have managed to take my life like a glass snowball and turn it upside down and shake it really hard. :)
Aside from the heat in Austin, I am loving it. I've been keeping busy on the board of Austin Actor's Conservatory. Taking my much needed break from Acting. No plays, no films, nothing. Well, at least I'm gonna try for that.
I'm newly engaged, and trying to save and plan for a wedding, maybe sometime late summer 2012. And we are adding to our family! We are adopting a puppy, hopefully this week. A lab mix female pup. I'm sure we will have our hands full!
And much more news to share, but I'll have to wait until next week to give the update...
Ooooh, suspense.... ;)

Unbelieveable

Unbelieveable.

That's the only word to describe this journey I'm on. :)

So my play closes this weekend. Is it bad to say I'm looking forward to it? I mean, I've had an amazing time working on the show with everyone, but I really can't wait to take a break from Acting. Completely. Never thought I would ever say those words....but I'm ready to tackle the next phase of my life and new career, whatever that may be. :) Gotta love those new beginnings...

I had the most unbelievable experience in callbacks yesterday.
I've been holding auditions in Austin and Houston, trying to get this feature film cast. I've been accepting video submissions, and organizing open calls in the town we are shooting in. And last Saturday, we had an open call in El Campo, and this gentleman who has never acted before, came in. He had a great look - kinda reminded me of Tyrese. He's was tall, bald, and muscular. He had the perfect look for the role of Freddy C. I read him and he wasn't bad actually. So I invited him to the callback in Houston with the Director. He walked in, memorized, and relaxed. Different from Saturday. And he just blew us all away. He was amazing. He literally had us in tears at the end of his last scene. It truly was an amazing experience. So much so, I contact my agent there in Houston, sent over his tape, and raved about him. She would love to contact him. So now, he may have a new beginning on a new career. Awesome! :)

We are at the end of the casting process. We begin shooting Monday and most parts are being offered this week - so it should all be done soon.

Now Casting!

This week has been awesome!
I really am the happiest I've ever been in my entire life! I know that is a lofty statement - but it's true. :)
The play I'm in officially opened on Friday. I feel much beter about it and am having a great time! It runs 4 weeks!

I started the casting process for the film Homebound. It has been so much fun! It gives me that butterfly feeling in the pit of my stomach - that's how much I love doing this!

I put out an official breakdown for what I'm currently casting for and sides are posted on Showfax. We are hiring SAG and non union actors because it's a SAG Low Budget feature film.
We are shooting in El Campo and I hope to use a lot of the locals in the film as well.

So here are the roles I'm casting right now:
FREDDY C - Male 25-35. African American. Grew up in the projects in the small town of El Campo, TX. Just got out of jail. He's the best friend to our lead character. He's the voice of wisdom. Charming and Charasmatic, preferably in the music industry with RAP experience.

SEBASTIAN - 6-8. Cute and precocious. Must speak English and Spanish fluently. This is kid is very bright. He serves as a translator for his Venezuelan mother. Must have work permit.

LETTY - Female 60-80, Hispanic. The matriarch of the family. She is not affected by her age. A strong Christian

CAROLINE - 30. Any ethnicity. Used to be very beautiful in High School. Now after having three girls and working at Whataburger, she's not the same as she used to be...PLEASE SUBMIT OVERWEIGHT ACTRESSES

BROTHER MARK - 45-65. Male. A baptist preacher. He's a prominent figure in the town. Strong Presence.

If you are willing to work as a local hire in El Campo and want to be considered for one of these roles, or any of the smaller roles I still need to cast, you can submit your picture and resume to blancocasting@gmail.com

Well, we open this Friday. ARGH!!!!! Lol. Actually, it's coming along nicely. This is a very funny play and everyday I'm growing more and more confident in my character. Hopefully by opening night, I'll have it down! :). We started tech rehearsal last night. So this week we are running the show every night and added lights, sound, costumes, etc.
I do have some great news to report. That feature film I was producing a few months ago, HOMEBOUND, is ready to start casting and I was asked to be the casting director! So this will be my first SAG feature film and it will begin shooting in July in El Campo, Texas (just outside of Houston). Pretty exciting stuff!
It's crazy how much my life has changed in 6 short months, yet I have everything I've ever wanted. Proof that if you open up your mind and heart, everything will fall into place. I couldn't be happier :-)

The Austin Journey

Rehearsals are in full swing for Too Many Husbands, the play I'm doing here in Austin for Different Stages. We had to be off book by this weekend. Yikes! I'm still a little shaky on my lines. I'm playing the mother of the ingenue, the woman married to "too many husbands". This has been a very challenging project for me. Mainly because I think the last play production I've been in was way over two years ago! But, also because this piece is a British comedy set in the early 1900's. So my British accent is also a bit shaky. And my character isn't as developed as I would like it to be by this point. It has resulted in my leaving rehearsals in frustrated tears and wanting to quit at times - but of course, I would NEVER do that. I grin and bear it and remind myself that this is all a learning experience.
I think part of my frustration is, I really need a clean cut BREAK after leaving LA, and diving into a play head first, isn't really a break. So after this closes, I will take that needed vacation from ACTING, and concentrate on other things...
I received the postcard today from the director, and unfortunately, my name was the only one that accidentally got left off the postcard. That sucks. :( How am I supposed to promote this to people I know? Do I just write in my name? Oh well...
I also had a consulting meeting with an actress on Friday. She is relocating to Hollywood and needed some questions asked to help better prepare her for the move. I love doing consultations. I really love helping people reach their dreams. I feel like I've been able to do that for myself, and it's nice to help others. Maybe I should look into being an agent or manager if the casting route doesn't pan out like I hoped...?
I did attend my first Austin Actors Conservatory Board Meeting yesterday. It was pretty awesome to meet some movers and shakers in the Austin scene - the union Austin scene. (The conservatory is part of SAG.) I feel good that I connected with people who will help me find my direction in this business, and in this town.
I have a confession....There was a time, just a short couple of weeks ago, that my boyfriend and I considered a move to Los Angeles so I can focus on a career in Casting. He was willing to uproot himself so I could try my hand at a new start on a second career. But after we discussed it further, we decided to stay put and focus on growing our family. That is why I left LA afterall, so it would make no sense to go back so soon. So Austin it is! And I just have to be patient as to the road my life will take me.
Like they say, it's not about the destination - it's the journey. :)

Update!

Man, you would think I have all the time in the world to keep up with this blog considering I'm not working yet... I guess it seems like not much is happening to update this. But I will try my best...
I did talk to the people at the office who sent me to that middle school class and told them what I was dealing with. They went ahead and sent one of their team leaders there to finish off the school year and sent me as a substitute to a different school for the last couple of weeks of school. I audited this class when I first came on with the program, so I know what I'm in for, and it's not bad at all...So it all ended for the best.
I participated in a play reading a couple of weeks ago for the first annual Austin Latino New Play Festival produced by Teatro Vivo. It was a success and I was so proud to be a part of it. :) And so proud of my friend Erica Saenz, who wrote the piece I was in.
Tonight I have a callback for a play called Too Many Husbands, produced by Different Stages, the same company I worked with before I moved to LA. It's a period piece set in Great Britain. Yikes! My accents (other than Spanish) are a little rusty, but it was a challenge to be there and cold read a script like this.
I did have a meeting with my Austin agent, and discussed the possibility of maybe becoming an agent myself. I originally wanted to get into casting or producing now that I'm back in Texas, but I know I would be a damn good agent if I wanted to go that route...so that is something to consider. We'll see....

Crappy Week

This week was kinda crappy for me. I'm just sayn...
Without getting too personal, I'll share some of the "lowlights"...
I started the afterschool program this week. I've taught in classrooms for many years as a substitute teacher for public schools, I've also taught acting to ages 5 to 65! But I don't think I was prepared for what I encountered this week! I was assigned to a middle school to teach theater to a group of kids who lost the teacher they've had since the beginning of the year. Not sure where he went, but he couldn't continue with the class anymore. I went in on Tuesday, and although they were crazy "energetic" and had a hard time focusing, I finally got them to do a few improv scenes and the day didn't end so bad. But then Thursday came...
Ugh...Thursday. I couldn't get them to listen to me from the start. And the good students from Tuesday had decided to trade places with the other ones and have a bad day that day! It felt like I was babysitting, because I sure couldn't teach anything! It was exhausting, frustrating, and I was starting to believe that I may not have the patience or temperment to deal with something like this! I'm only there an hour and a hald twice a week, and I don't want to spend that time disciplining middle school students who should already know how to behave in a classroom setting. I guess what frustrated me about the whole situation is, I've paid my dues. I've worked with all kinds of people, directors, stars, professional students and actors, and I didn't feel like I needed to be there. It was a waste of what I could really offer. At least that's how I felt by the time I was walking to my car.
I'm not sure if I will be back to that school next week. I talked to the people I work for and they know about the situation and I'm sure they would want me to figure out a way to stay - but I just feel like I will be miserable! At least every Tuesday and Thursday. We'll see what happens...
I also had an audition sent to me from my Houston agent for In Plain Sight, a show that shoots in Albuquerque, NM. I really wanted to audition for it, but my audition would've consisted of videotaping myself with my own reader and emailing it in. My video camera broke so I couldn't do it. Plus, I couldn't find someone to read with me. :( Damn I miss the days of when auditions took place in a casting office! ;)

I'm still looking for a full time time. Not sure what industry yet, but I'm trying to keep my eyes open for whatever is out there. Hopefully something comes soon...
These residuals are starting to dwindle.
Shockingly enough, not wishing I was back in LA. Well, only when that audition came up - then I wish I was there. But other than that, still enjoying being here in Austin!

This Week

Rehearsals began this week for Lightning Strikes, the play written by my friend Erica Saez, that will be performed as a staged reading in about 2 weeks. It's so nice to be in rehearsals again. It's been so long - I forgot what it was like! I wasn't sure if my memory could memorize a full script anymore - but good thing it's a reading and not a full on production! And I have to say, there is a calm in this sort of work. I'm not on edge and I'm not stressed. And it's so not about "business" - or who will be in the audience the night we perform this, will they bring me in for pilot season? None of that matters. People are doing this because they love doing it - not because it will further their career. And ahhh....That's all I want right now. If I perform, it's because I want to and not for a paycheck. :) What a different way of life here in Austin Texas. I tell you, I must've been burnt out with the "business" of it all, but this feels sooooo good - just what I needed.
I also finished my paperwork with Theater Action Project this week. It's a Theater in Education program that I'm so excited to be back involved with! As I said earlier, I toured a show with TAP before I moved to LA, over 10 years ago! And I'm back on as a teaching artist, doing after school theater programs at different schools. I'm supposed to begin shadowing another Teaching Artist this week, and I may start at a middle school next week. Is it crazy that I'm nervous? haha I don't know why... Maybe because I haven't worked with solely middle school age kids in a while. Normally my kids acting classes at Actorsite were mixed ages. I have to learn the structure and curriculum, which I guess makes me nervous since I usually did everything myself in my classes. And I feel like compared to these other Teaching Artists, my "expertise" may lie in television and film, more on-camera experience, than stage since it's been so long.
And even though TAP may keep be busy from 4-6 most days, I'll still need to find a full time job eventually... I mean, my residuals won't last forever, you know?
And I'm looking for representation here in Austin, in the hopes that maybe that will keep me busy for the time being. I'm sure it won't be like LA, where people go on auditions many times a day (I never did), but maybe I can book a commercial or industrial, or even a low budget film to bring in some extra money... My Houston agent hasn't really called me at all for the past 3 months.

New Start

Well, life in Austin is so much more different than what I'm used to in LA. I have to find a "real job" which is weird for me. There are many things that interest me, and I'm sure I can be happy doing a number of things. Adjusting to having to be somewhere everyday and work for someone else - that's something I'll have to get used to. But, there are some things you can't beat - like being able to go to my goddaughter's 2nd birthday! If I was in LA, I doubt I would've been able to fly in for her birthday in Dallas this weekend. This is the time of year where I'm usually busy with auditions, or waiting to be busy - so I never really allowed myself to leave town until the summer. Now I don't have to worry about that. And I got to see family this weekend, and watch Ava have a great time at Chuck E Cheese's yesterday. :) I wouldn't trade that for anything!
So - this morning I decided to get back to working out again. For some reason, I fell into a depression back in LA that got me out of my workout mindset, and I haven't snapped out of it. I'm sure it had a lot to do with not being happy - and not knowing what to do about it. But now that I'm back in Texas, enjoying life, and trying to figure out the rest, I realized that I'm not as sad and depressed as I was before - and yet I hadn't been back to the gym. I kept putting it off, saying I'll start Monday - for the longest time. And of course, I have gained some weight from this workout hiatus, which depressed me more, so I still avoided going. It would just frustrate me that I couldn't do what I used to do when I was at my fittest. But instead of hitting the gym, I did nothing. Until this morning. I figured, since I'm looking for a full time job and I'm free during my days, I can wake up and hit the gym like it's my job for the time being. Then I can come back and do what I need to do at home and run errands. So this morning I started my workouts. The plan is to keep it up - everyday, well - at least 5 days a week.... ;)
Rehearsals for the play reading start on Friday and I'm excited to be around other people on a regular basis! I forgot how social having a regular job is! I look forward to that! Rehearsals will take place for about 3 weeks, then we do the reading for an audience. Can't wait :)

Austin - I'm HOME :)

Well, I am all moved and unpacked here in Austin. I had a job interview earlier this week for a position I had with a different company in the same field before I left for LA. I really liked that job - I was a marketing representative and I had fun meeting different people everyday. When I found out this position was available and i was being considered for it - I got SO excited. After my interview Monday, I realized how long it's been since I've been on a real job interview, other than an audition. I was rusty. And I didn't know how to answer some of their questions. They asked me about dealing with customers in the past and asked me a lot fo sales questions. man, I haven't dealt with a "customer" or sold anything - other than myself in auditions - in quite some time, so I didn't know how I could spin it to relate to my past experience. All I can say is, that interview was a learning experience. We'll see how it turns out.
I did audition for a play reading Tuesday. It's being directed by a good friend of mine, Mary Alice Carnes, who directed me in a production of My Visits with MGM here in Austin over 10 years ago - before I moved to California. The play was written by another friend of mine, Erica Saenz, and being produced by Teatro Nuevo. It was SO good to see these people again, and reconnect with the Austin Theater world. I think this is what I've been missing these past few years. An avenue to do great theater with amazing people and really good scripts that tell real stories.... I got cast and rehearsals will begin next month. So excited to be working with them again! It's a play READING - not an actual production just yet. But I'm looking forward to it nonetheless.
I don't miss auditioning for TV and film at all! Friends of mine are going to commercial and theatrical auditions everyday, and I thought I would miss it when I hear them talk about their opportunities. But I don't. Right now I am loving my life, and where I'm at. I would love to land a great second career doing something I'm good at and I enjoy - so that's next on my "to-do" list. :)
Maybe I should try writing. You know...like a script or something - not just my blog. Hmmm....

The Calm Within

Talk about being burnt out. Talk about needing a much needed BREAK.
I have been away from Hollywood for 2 1/2 months now and I don't miss it one bit. I miss my friends and awesome people I have met there, of course. And I do miss the weather... Ahhh...that sunny 75 degree weather! Ok, maybe I miss it a TINY bit. But is it weird that I don't miss auditioning? AT ALL? My world was my career. My days consisted of going to my auditions, or waiting for a good one to come in. Sitting in traffic, looking over my sides, dealing with my frustrations about the stereotypical role I was going for YET AGAIN, and self doubt about my ability - EVERY TIME. I loved my acting class with Howard because I finally felt like I was WORKING - even though class cost me instead of paid me. But I got so much more out of it than my actual acting jobs.
I've been back in Texas and my days couldn't be more opposite! My mornings start off with coffee with my mother, and watching American Idol on the DVR from the night before. Having lunch with friends I've known for decades. Seeing my family and friends on a daily basis, surrounded by people who love me, and not thinking about my career all the time. In fact, not thinking about it at all. And it's been SO GREAT!
I'm thinking about this upcoming move to Austin and how my Houston agent has been submitting me, trying to keep me busy - and I've been dreading any auditions she calls me for. I wonder why... Could it be that I'm really DONE? I do have an audition for a play reading on Tuesday - but I'm actually looking forward to that. Maybe because a friend is directing and another friend is the playwright. I'm more excited about working with them. :) And SO excited about getting back to the only city that really felt like home. Austin.
This new journey is exciting...

Texas Tales

Wow - I am so sorry. I have to start off with an apology. I promised to be better about updating my blog. I said I would write even after I left Hollywood and for some reason, I haven't had the chance to...I'll try my best to be better. :)

Ok, the updates...
I spent a week in El Campo Texas last month, trying to raise funds for a feature film I was helping to produce called HOMEBOUND. Thank you to those of you who pledged and supported, but no, we didn't make our goal. Not yet. The plan is to keep trying to raise the funds and hopefully get this film made eventually. We'll see. But this process did put me in contact with local legend Pepe Serna, who is originally from Texas and has had an amazing film career spanning over 4 decades!

What else is happening...? Well, I'm moving to Austin this weekend. Every year for the past 10 years while I've lived in Los Angeles, I've always talked about moving back to Austin someday. Well, that day is finally here. This city just makes me happy! It really does! I found a great place in South Austin and I can't wait to be an "Austinite" again!
Yes, I'm still looking for a job, but I couldn't be happier!
For the first time in a long time, my career is not the priority in my life. My LIFE is! :) It doesn't really matter to me what kind of job I get - as long as I'm happy doing it. We'll see how it goes...

Producing a Movie

Man, I would say the hardest part about producing a feature film is getting the FUNDS!
We are fundraising in El Campo this week, the location where the film takes place, trying to get the community involved in the project. We are going business to business, inviting the business owners, as well as EVERYONE, to our event tonight where we will hopefully get the remainder of our $150,000 budget! Yikes! It's a lot of money, but I have faith that the community will pull together. That Latinos all over the country will support.
The purpose of this film is to transform the image of Latinos in the media, and we need everyone's support to make that happen. A lot of people TALK about supporting what we are doing, but we need everyone to put their money where their mouth is! haha $150,000 sounds like a lot but it's nothing when you're trying to make a movie. So if 1,000 people contribute $150, we are all set!
What will YOU contribute???

HOMEBOUND

My current project is in the works. It's a feature film called HOMEBOUND, written and directed by my friend Fanny Veliz. The plan is to shoot in El Campo, Texas, a small town outside of Houston where our lead actor, Jeremiah Ocanas, is from. We are set to shoot in March 2011, (that's just two more months!!!!) but we need the remainder of our budget to do so. We are trying to raise $150,000 in order to shoot this film. It's a small budget, but we are hoping to use our contacts and resources to get the best film we can!
I'm one of the producers on this project as well as an actress in the film. We are using a website called KICKSTARTER to raise the funds. We need YOUR help! Contribute what you can! There are perks with every contribution. To see the video and learn more, click HERE

They say "Everything Happens for a Reason"

I never knew why I felt like I was ready to leave Hollywood and come back to Texas. It didn't make sense to family, friends or colleagues. I just felt like I was ready to head back. And that's because I was still working steadily!
But once I got here, I realized that everything happens for a reason. There is no place I'm supposed to be right now than here and now.
This month I have spent the holidays with family, fell in love, took care of two small children, reconnected with old friends, and let's not forget, got my Texas license plates! This move may not have made sense in the beginning - but where I am now - it makes TOTAL sense. I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be: At the beginning of my new road that I'm traveling on. :)
My future is beginning and I couldn't be happier :)

New City, New Name

Ok, the move is official. I arrived in Texas Monday. Drove straight to San Antonio, rented my storage unit, then headed to my hometown of Corpus Christi. Been here one whole day now. I have to say it feels pretty good. What's weird is, it never feels this good. But this feels different.
Hmmm...I wonder if it feels like a vacation? Maybe it won't feel real until I move into my own place? Time will tell.

It's nice to see friends and family though. Last night I had dinner at my parents' house. Ahhh...homecooked food with a full house. :) That beats eating alone in my little apartment any day! :)

So, since I no longer live in Hollywood, it makes sense to change the name of this blog. It's now titled "Lydia's Journey Beyond Hollywood". We'll see what new adventures my life has in store for me. Can't wait :)

So far, my Houston agent contacted me about an audition for a new Mark Wahlberg film. They needed me to put myself on tape and submit the audition for two roles by this Friday. Unfortunately I have my movers coming in tomorrow and I have to meet them in San Antonio to let them in the storage unit. So I went ahead and declined this opportunity. I don't have time this week to prepare. But I have to say - it's a little too soon for me. I really do need a break. I've been burnt out for a while now, and the last thing I want to do right now is submit myself for a role named Rosa who speaks Spanish.... Just sayn...

Last Minutes

Yesterday I had an audition for Raising Hope. The role was Rosa, and it was a heavy accented character who also spoke Spanish. I had mixed feelings about this audition. Aside from the obvious, ANOTHER role with an accent, if I booked it, it would shoot next week. Considering my movers had moved all my stuff out of my place on Tuesday, and my keys are being turned in this weekend, booking this job would be a somewhat "inconvenience". Don't get me wrong - if I got the job, I would've stayed and worked it. But I would've had to find a place for me and my cat to stay until the end of shooting, call the movers and hold the delivery until I'm finally in Texas, and possibly miss my Godson's 5th birthday party! Yikes!
And for some reason, I didn't feel like I could've turned the audition down.
So I went. And I was pretty awesome. They were laughing throughout and I was definitely "in the zone". I got the call later that day that I was on "watch and advise" - and that it may be down to me and one other person. My agent asked what I wanted to do since we didn't know what days this would shoot. We decided to push for a decision so I would know ASAP if I have to change everything for next week.
Well, they called back last night and the role went to the other person. :)
This is one of those times I'm glad I didn't get the role. Is that weird? I guess that's how I know I'm ready to go. Ready for my BREAK from this town. I'm looking forward to things that have nothing to do with this career. Like a detox.
Maybe finally moving away from LA will allow my creative juices to start flowing again.

I've got 2 more days in this town and then I'm on the road back home. Crazy... I think it's finally hitting me now how real this is...

The Final Countdown

First off, I am so sorry for not writing more often. I promised earlier this year that I would blog more often. I will try and be better from here on out...

So, let's get the update started... Today I had a callback for an HBO promo. It's a very funny scene about two women in a waiting room talking about a pen. After waiting an hour and a half to get seen today, we finally go in to do the scene for a room full of executives. We go into our scene and I felt like it was good - we were funny - and there was nothing but deafening silence in the room. We switch roles and do the scene again. Again, I thought I was pretty damn funny - crickets. Oh well. Watch us book it anyway! haha

I guess I haven't made the "official" announcement: I am moving out of Hollywood and back to Texas. I'm sure most of you saw this coming. Especially with my frustrated previous posts. One day I was talking to a friend and saying that maybe I should just relocate back to Austin or San Antonio and she said "Lydia, you keep talking about it - why don't you just do it already!" She was joking around, but the reality was - I WAS always talking about it. I think every year for the past 10 years, I've talked about it. Then it dawned on me...why DON'T I just move back? I've been here 10 years, I've been very fortunate to have the career I've had, I've had an amazing time and was living my dream. I'm ready for the next adventure. The next stage of my life. My career has always been front and center these past 10 years. I think I'm ready to have something else front and center. Maybe it's time for a family...? All I know is I'm ready for a change of pace, a change of scenery. I'm ready to start the next chapter of my life.
And that starts in 10 days!
I'm leaving LA the morning of December 12th. Crazy huh? I'm so excited about the future! The unknown! I have this incredible freedom right now. I can go anywhere, I can do anything...and I want to be back in Texas near close friends and family. Maybe I'll start writing, or casting, or film producing. Maybe I'll teach, or direct, or do more theater. Shoot, maybe I'll become an agent or manager - or something completely unrelated to the business....Who knows! Maybe I'll do it all. :)

So, as I pack this last week, and get ready for my huge life change, I'm thinking of a new title for this blog - considering I won't be in Hollywood anymore. Hmmm...Maybe "Lydia's Journey BEYOND Hollywood"? Yeah, I like that... :)

General Hospital

I shot General Hospital this week. :) After 10 years, that was the one thing I hadn't done - worked on a soap opera! It was a really cool and different experience!
Things work really fast in soaps. You don't have time to perfect a scene take after take. You show up to set, block it, rehearse it, shoot it, and move on to the next thing. I play Inez, supposedly the housekeeper's cousin who Dr Niles steals medicine for. Well, that's what Dr Niles tells everyone at the hospital. Apparently, she's quite the villian! But the actress who played her couldn't be more sweet! In fact, the group of actors I worked with were all very welcoming and nice. They put glamourous makeup on me and when I arrived on set, they said I looked too "pretty" for someone with bronchitis, so a makeup artist had to alter my face and made me look pale with bags under my eyes and a red nose. LOL I'm gonna look lovely!
I was there only 5 hours and shot my scenes which will be in two episodes - beginning Dec 14th. :)

I did a reading of a screenplay Tuesday night. If all goes well, this film will shoot in texas in the Spring. Two good friends of mine developed and wrote it. It's always exciting to see my friends make things happen for themselves. :) And it was nice reconnecting with friends I hadn't seen in a while. :)

Today I have a commercial audition for Walmart and another commercial audition tomorrow!

Keeping Busy

I got called in to audition for The Cape yesterday. :) I interned for Risa on the pilot earlier this year, so I was very happy that she brought me in for a small role of a teacher in a flashback. I had auditioned for a detective role on the pilot, but had to pull my name out of the running because I had booked that other pilot, Awkward Situations for Men. Oh well...we'll see. maybe I will finally get to work on this show afterall!
I just got the call today that I have to do ADR on the film I did this summer, Little Birds, in a couple of weeks. That's always fun :)
Then I have to learn my lines for my General Hospital shoot on Monday. Busy busy busy! Never feels like it though...

Workshop tonight, and then my Singing for Actors class on Saturday. Trying to keep busy before I leave next month...

General Hospital

10 years ago I made a "to do" list of the kinds of projects I wanted to tackle during my career. I checked them off as I booked them...
Films, independent and studio, sitcoms, single camera comedies, one hour dramas, one hour dramedies, soap operas, commercials, print work, etc...
Over these past 10 years, I've been fortunate enough to work in all of these mediums except for soap operas....UNTIL NOW! :) I booked a role on the long living series General Hospital. I didn't even have to audition! It was a straight offer. I went by ABC studios today to pick up my script so I can see what I will be playing. My role is "Inez" - yes, an undocumented worker who is posing as a maid to help Dr. Niles lie about stealing medication from the hospital. I'm asked to do an accent. Hmmm...I wonder if Irish would work? Or Austrailian? hehehe
I picked up my script in the casting office and met both Mark and Gwen today for the first time. Both were incredibly warm and welcoming. So excited to work on this show. I've had friends work on soaps and they've told me how fast the workday goes. No chance to do it a 4th and 5th take. Do it and move on. Quick quick quick.
I shoot on Monday. Reading the entire script now, and researching videos online to get some insight into the show.

Tomorrow I have an audition for The Cape - ironically, the show I help cast as an intern earlier this year when it was a pilot. I'm very thankful Risa, the casting director, thought to bring me in for this small teacher role. It would be nice to work as much as I can before my big move.... I'll tell you more about that soon...

Mark Ruffalo - You're My Hero

I have a crush.

His name is Mark Ruffalo.


I went to the SAG Foundation Conversations with Mark Ruffalo tonight. For those of you who don't know, Conversations is like the Inside the Actor's Studio Q&A with actors. He talked about how he got started and his 9 years as a bartender before he got his big break. He's a very modest man, never thinking his movies are a success BECAUSE of him. When asked what he wished someone would've told him when he first started in the business, he answered "It's gonna take a LONG time....but it's ok." He said that he had thought about quitting acting and moving back to Wisconsin plenty of times in those 9 years, and even went back home once and worked for his dad. But he found himself feeling like he was missing something, and came back. He said he did theater during those tough years, to help him get through it.

I love this man.

I went up to him afterwards, nervous and curious if he would remember working with me on his directorial debut "Sympathy for Delicious (which premiered tonight in LA). When he was reminded who I was, he gave me a huge hug and said I was wonderful in my role (he's way too kind - my role is brief). I left, with weak knees - literally. :)

There were many times in his interview where I felt like I related completely with what he's gone through. I have thought about moving back to Texas numerous times in the past 10 years, but have never done it. It's weird - because I feel like something is missing NOW, and I'm curious if I will find that once I leave this place. or will it find me back where I am now...? Who knows.

The difference is - he finally left to figure out where he needed to be.

And I feel the same way.

My Good Luck Charm

So, as we all know, it's been pretty dead for me lately. No auditions in weeks! My cousin came to visit last week, and on her first day in town, I got a commercial audition, one for The Office, and a straight offer for a role on General Hospital! :) I work in two weeks!
I told her she can't leave until I book a series! ;)
She left today, so I hope my luck doesn't run out.

Nothing

It's been almost three weeks since I've had a single audition. THREE WEEKS! That's crazy! I'm talking nothing...no commercials, no films, no television shows...
I've just been here, waiting - bored - trying to keep myself busy. That really sucks for someone who makes their living by Acting. If there are no auditions, that means no potential work - which means, no income - which sucks. Get me?
I am doing the workshops EVERY week, dropping my headshot at the casting offices EVERY week, teaching my classes, taking my classes, doing everything "right" and it's still tumbleweeds blowing by in my career.
Crazy.
And I write this - not to be "negative" - but to be truthful. There are low times in this career and then there are times when everything just STOPS.
I can feel myself losing gas. Wanting to just go away. Do something else. Somewhere else. Live an actual LIFE...
I look forward to that actually. :)
Makes that decision to leave Hollywood behind better and better...

Doing it Yourself

I had a workshop this morning with Casting Director Sherrie Henderson, and she told us of an audition that Emmy Rossum did to submit herself for her role on the film DARE. It's pretty amazing - and shows how she could pull out a great audition from home with NO ONE ELSE to read with her! She pre-recorded herself doing the other lines and hit the button when it was time. It's pretty awesome...check it out:

Guest Blogger

Oops - this came out a couple of weeks ago.

I meant to announce it on here - but I forgot.. Sorry guys...

http://theactorsdiet.wordpress.com/2010/10/13/guest-blogger-lydia-blanco/

Know When to Fold 'Em

"You gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, and know when to run" - Kenny Rogers


Burnt Out -
Meaning #1: exhausted as a result of long-time stress
Meaning #2: inoperative as a result of heat or friction
Meaning #3: destroyed or badly damaged by fire

Ok, before I begin, I have to remind everyone that Yes, I am still a positive person. I'm usually the one person who believes everything will turn out fine when most are hiding under their sheets in bed. I've always been optimistic - that's not what this is about.

When I was a little girl, and I envisioned what my wildest dreams would be - I pictured myself in that little TV box being funny, being dramatic, just being ON THERE. I was excited about the unknown. Hollywood seemed like another country - another world - someplace I never thought I would visit much less get the opportunity to live and work there! I had no idea what a career in the industry meant - I just knew that every play that I did energized me and made me feel unlike anything I've ever felt. I had the greatest joy while on stage and I figured a professional career would keep that fire burning.
Well, it's been almost 10 years since I've started this career in LA. I acknowledge that I am extremely lucky with the work and success I have acquired in my short time here. (Yes, 10 years is considered short. I know people who have been here twice as long with half my experiences.) And for the longest time, I've always felt frustrated - like something was missing. I wasn't completely happy.
I figured it was because I wasn't working as often as I wanted. I told myself, once I start doing movies, and once I start making a living as an actress - I'll be happier.
What I've realized is, as an artist, Hollywood isn't the ideal place. Sure, it's a place where you have the possibility to make a living. Yes it's a place where people have been "discovered". Yes, it's a place where THOUSANDS come with the same dream hoping for a break. But this career can feel very stifling as an artist. And I use the word artist to separate from the business side of an actor. From my business side - it wasn't too bad. I got paid a lot of money for a short time on set. It wasn't great business considering it didn't happen everyday. It was sporadic. But I tried to convince myself that those jobs, those bookings, were worth the down time.
But as an artist - I want to create. I want to feel challenged. I want to tell stories. And I have to say, sometimes the roles I was offered lacked the meat I craved.

But I have come to the realization that I may be done.
Done with this whole thing.

I've always told myself that my biggest goal is to be happy. And acting had always made me happy. And I would stop when I stopped having fun. When I wasn't happy anymore.
Don't get me wrong - I still love acting. I am an actor down to my bones until the day I die. But do I have to be here, in the rat race of this industry? - no.
I think there are many things that are hard about this career. One day you could be up - making tons of money - and the next day, completely broke - borrowing money from your parents just to pay the rent. You could either have a day job which you hate, hoping for the day when you're back on set - or sitting in your apartment waiting for your next audition, since your last one was two months ago.
Then, when you do work, the work isn't challenging. In fact, it's downright sterotypical.

Yes, I may just be burnt out. I may just need a break.

But I have said this before, and my trip out the country didn't change things.
6 weeks back home didn't change things.
I felt slightly better, but then I was back in the rat race, miserable again.

And for the longest time, I've said I wanted to contribute something more to the world than just IMDB credits. I want to live my LIFE - not just my career. And I have to say, the 10 years living in Los Angeles, my life has been my career.

I'm ready for the next step.
I'm ready for a change.
I'm ready to be happy.

And I'm optimistic about that. :)

Remembering the Good Ole' Days

Ah...remember the good old days when I used to work an a professional actress?? Wow - those were some great times! haha Yeah, I know you can hear the sarcasm dripping from these words. And I'm being pretty dramatic - but still! My last job, let me rephrase - my last theatrical job was back in JUNE! We are almost OCTOBER!!!!!! I'm not including the on star commercial back in August. I guess I should - but since I don't really work commercials all that much, that booking was kind of a fluke. But seriously, I guess technically, my last job was in August. Still feels like too long.
I'm so frustrated, and tired. I'm doing everything I can to keep things moving and it's a ghosttown in my career! I'm doing the weekly drops, running and participating in) the workshops, in class with Howard Fine every week, even teaching an audition technique class every Monday, and it feels like it's all for nothing.
The last audition I had was over two weeks ago - for yet another maid. And before that? JULY! Wow...
This is really depressing. I need a job. I need to work I need something.
Let's start with coffee. Here's to a better week this week.

What is SUCCESS?

I remember when I was finishing college, of our our professors, the amazing J. Don Luna, would pull aside the graduating actors and ask what success meant to us. I never really thought about it in a serious way. I usually thought about it in a dreamer's way. Success would be having my own TV series! Seeing myself on the big screen!
But when I made myself really ask that question to myself, I had to explore what success really meant to me. And back then, my measure of success was "to have a career as an actor". Simply to make my living doing it. Solely acting. I didn't need to be famous, or rich, or even star in my own show. Just simply making a living. Being able to write down "Actor" where it asked what my profession was.
Cut to: 13 years later (yikes - that's how long it's been since college??) and I'm actually living my dream. Successful by what my definition was at that time. And now I'm reevaluating what success means to me NOW - and it's shifted a bit.
What success is for me now is being happy doing something I love. Living a full life with balance - not just a career, but with friends and family. Waking up excited to live my life. Making a difference in other people's lives. Motivating and inspiring others.
Moving forward. Progressing.
I'm working toward my success.

Finally - Tomorrow!

I actually have an audition!
Can you believe it?? How long has it been?
Tomorrow I'm going in for a new show called Franklin and Bash. And of course, the ink in my printer has ran out. I'll have to figure out something by tomorrow.
I need a job. It's been way too slow lately.

The Next Move

It's been so quiet and dead lately that I think I actually see tumbleweeds going by in my career.
I haven't updated this blog lately, because frankly, I haven't been doing much as an actor lately.
The webseries I produced had a successful launch last week! It's officially on Koldcast.tv! Check it out: The Best Friend
The hardest part about producing is not having the creative input I would have if it was something I created. I'm basically helping someone else's vision come to life - and that's great - but the frustrating part is not being able to utilize my creativity. Looks like I need to just go ahead and create my own projects. Better brush up in the writing!
Good thing I still have my master class with Howard Fine which keeps me working on something. It definately helps, especially when I haven't had an audition in ages.
I have to be honest, lately I'm been thinking about moving back to Texas. You see, every year for the past 10 years I've thought about it. And yes, it does usually come when it's super slow for me and I'm frustrated. But this is different. These past 10 years have flown by. And that's both good and bad. Good because it feels like I've accomplished a lot in 10 years. More than most people could dream of in this kind of career. And bad because another 10 years could go by and I could still be in the same position doing the same thing. I just feel that the quality of life in Texas would be vastly different. I'd be surrounded by family and friends, I could do what the rest of the world is doing and actually have a family of my own. You know, that whole "BBQ on the weekends" business that I often hear about and envy, while I'm just here focused on this career. I really feel like a full life is what I'm lacking. I've always said I didn't want to wake up one day and I'm 60 and I forgot to have a family of my own. That's a scary thought. And there is something very frustrating about the instability of my career. I really do hate that one day I'm making so much money for working a few days on set, and the next day I have no clue how I will pay next month's rest. It sucks.
So I've been thinking alot about a relocation. Maybe to San Antonio or Austin. I love both of those cities! Maybe I can start on these projects that I need to create and produce for myself. Maybe this is an opportunity to bring back what I have learned and experieced to the community where I'm from. Teach them what I wish I could've learned before I made that move to Hollywood 10 years ago.
And who knows, maybe I take a year and do this and relaize I hate it and need to move back to LA. Then at least I know. But maybe I do this and realize this was the most perfect decision I could've made for me at this point. You never know. Unless you just do it. Right?

OnStar Shoot

He was shooting me - I was shooting him. :)

Yesterday's commercial shoot went really well. I was in and out in about 3 1/2 hours! NICE!
I swear I'm not a high maintenance DIVA or anything, but maybe I'm a bit spoiled from working on episodic sets - but I was really surprised when i didn't have a trailer! haha Seriously! I was wondering where I would change and hang out and leave my stuff. Apparently they normally have people just change in the wardrobe trailer, keep their stuff on them, and no hanging out. You change - and shoot - and wrap. that's it. Ah...See, I'm new to this whole "commercial" world - well, relatively. I haven't done a commercial in ages! What sucks is, I don't even think it's going to be a national - just the internet, so I may not get to see all that great money that usually accompanies commercials. Oh well.
I had an amazing time on set. The spot is JUST ME in a car, talking to the OnStar guy (who was really in the backseat giving me my cues. :) The director kept telling me to make it bigger and funnier and to use my sparkling personality - so I kept laying it on thick. And silly. And he wanted MORE. I have had so much training to learn how to keep it subtle and real and I had to throw all of it out the window yesterday! But it was fun! And the clients (OnStar) kept raving about me afterwards. Telling me how funny I was and how they kept laughing the entire time. :) That's always nice to hear.
And so again, I'm back to being unemployed... hehe for now.

Casting All Around

Today was busy!
It started with our casting session for the webseries I'm producing (and now casting - at least for this one role.) I put a breakdown out this week and got over 500 submissions. We narrowed it down to about 35 actors we wanted to meet. About 8 or 9 confirmed and didn't show up. Weird. I just don't get that. But the ones that kept their appointment did a great job! It was a tough day auditioning all these good looking men for the role of Rick, the fiance to the ingenue! haha
I had to leave in the middle of the session to audition for a play. That went really well - I have a callback on Wednesday. Then I headed back and finished our session and then headed to the studio to see the Singing for Actors class. It's been a long and exhausting day!
Tomorrow I shoot the OnStar commercial so I get to be pregnant all day. Fun fun fun. :) Since I'm shooting on a Sunday, it's double pay. Can't me mad about that!
My camera broke so the only pics I'll be able to take are from my phone. :( Oh well...I'll try.

BOOKED!

I had a last minute commercial audition yesterday. It was to play a very pregnant woman using her OnStar in her car. It went well and I was called in for a last minute callback today. Well, I found out this afternoon that I booked it! :) It was a really fun callback. They told me I nailed the tone they were looking for and I got to improv a bit as well. I get fitted tomorrow I think, and I shoot on Thursday. I believe this commercial will be mainly on the web, unless the release it on TV. And there's a possible print job also. Nice :)
I never do commercials so its nice to do something I never get a chance to do!

I Hate When Its Slow

It's been so quiet I've been going crazy trying to keep myself busy! Good thing my class with Howard is back on after a month of vacation. At least I have rehearsals with my scene partner and the work I put up in class to make me feel like I'm doing something. I'm also teaching my audition technique class every Monday. I just wish I was busier with auditions before I forget what it's like in there! ;)
I'm coaching one of my teen students on Monday morning for her guest star audition for CSI Miami. At least someone is getting great auditions...
I've even started coming up with a little business of my own for my actor friends. It surprising how an idea can take off and become something within just a couple of days!
Maybe I should write something... My one woman show? My own sitcom? feature film? I never really considered myself a writer, but I may have to explore another side to myself. I'm getting ancy...

Where's My Audience?

I saw In the Heights again this weekend. I love that show! My friend Danny Bolero is in it and he is having an amazing time travelling all over the world! He's heading to Japan in the next couple of months! Awesome! And he has a great role in it! Not to mention is amazing in it! :)
I took a friend of mine who is actually from Washington Heights to see the play for his first time. I was nervous because he doesn't like musicals much and he may be critical of the play considering its his hood. But he really loved it! That was awesome! And we had the opportunity to go backstage with Danny and walkonto the Pantages stage. It's simply breathtaking!
Ok, so yesterday I had an audition for a series regular role on a new half hour sitcom. It was to play the best friend to the lead girl and it was a great character! Some really funny lines! I worked on it all weekend and felt really confident about the work I was doing with it. First of all, let me explain...the character is described as hippy-ish. She's a holistic healer who doesn't care for a lot of makeup or heels. That was described in the breakdown. So, I walk into the auditon room and was surprised to see so many actresses up for the same role - in HEELS and glam makeup. I'm talking, damn near everyone - but me - and maybe one other actress. I thought maybe they changed the description of the character at the last minute and I didn't know. So I felt good about that - thinking, I may be exactly perfect for this role in comparison.
I walked in, I felt really good about my read - the only problem was - I didn;t feel really good about their reaction. I had 4 people in the room, 2 women just watching, 1 running the camera, and a guy reading with me. I hit some of my funny lines....AND SILENCE. Ouch. Something didn't seem right - I mean, I'm pretty damn funny! My timing was right on - you're SUPPOSED to laugh. Hmm... I thought that maybe they hated me. Maybe they didn't think I was so funny or right for the role. I don't know. I walked out feeling not as confident as I walked in. The rest of my day was shot - I have to say. :(
I mean, who knows... It's not unheard of that the office doesn't react but they abolutely love you. I'm just not going to think about it anymore, and if they call me - they call me. End of story.
If I booked this, it would shoot in Atlanta, so I would probably have to relocate.
Everything happens for a reason...
We'll see what happens here.

I'm just sayn....as an actor - we need an audience. Always.

Quiet Before the Storm?

After about a couple of weeks of quiet time... No auditions, nothing - I finally get a good one for Monday! I'm auditioning for a great funny series regular role on a new half hour sitcom pilot! YES! This would be PERFECT! Fingers crossed!!
Hopefully this means it's about to get BUSIER for me!
:)

Busy Summer

Ok, a lot has happened this week to catch you up on! I really do have to be better about writing in this blog regularly. I will try... :)
I was the reader for Casting Director Arlie Day last week for a workshop. I remembered she was working on a feature film called Mamitas last time I saw her. Well, I casually inquired about the film and if she was done casting. She said she was looking for someone to play a nurse role. I casually informed her of my nurse role on the Untitled Ivan Reitman film that I just wrapped. :) She said even though I was a bit younger than what she was looking for (a nurse in her 40s), but she wanted to audition me the following day! I went in and did a pretty great job - so we'll see... :)
I attended the wrap party for the Ivan Reitman film, but because of that workshop I was doing with Arlie, I showed up a bit late. :( It started at 8 and I didn't get there until almost 11. I was hoping to see Natalie and Cary there since I talked the most to them on set. I didn't see them, or Ivan, but I did see Ashton and Lake Bell. I didn't stay long since it seemed like people were starting to leave. But it was still fun for the hour I was there. :)
We are gearing up to shoot the next three episodes of The Best Friend next weekend. I am billed as "Producer" on these episodes instead of "Line Producer". That's nice :) I've been trying to find a great location to shoot one of our exteriors, trying to get friends to loan me their wedding dresses for a scene, and find set pieces for our bridal shop scene. It's been going well, I just wish there were more hours in the day! I feel so busy lately!
This morning I helped out at the Howard Fine Studio for Deborah Gibson's (yes, as in DEBBIE Gibson's) Electric Youth camp. My friend from the studio, Patrick, is organizing it and needed my help stage managing this morning. It was pretty awesome! This camp is like a performers Intensive Camp. They have classes in Improv, Monologues, Singing, Musical Theater, Stand Up, songwriting, dance, everything! And every hour and a half they rotate into a new class with a new teacher - and that goes on all week! I'll be sure to be there on Friday when they have the showcase for their families! I got to see a few kids stand up and sing acapella in one class - and WOW, they are great! Little broadway stars in the making! Deborah is very sweet by the way - and looks great! :)
I've had a couple of commercial auditions this week, and my agent called with a Dexter audition for tomorrow which I passed on. It needed me to speak spanish, and my Spanish is not so great... Oh well. Next time.
Oh yeah, it looks like my Medium episode will reair on Lifetime this week (Tues July 13th). Check your listings...the episode is called "Heads Will Roll".

Oops!

The cast of SONS OF TUCSON

I am slacking! I am so sorry! I completely forgot to post my airdate for the new FOX show Sons of Tucson! I shot a small role at the end of last year and forgot all about it. Then I found out today that it aired this past weekend on 4th of July! OOPS!
BUT - the good news is...you can see it on www.fox.com. Click HERE

Now I'll Try Producing...

It's been a crazy past couple of weeks!
Aside from my moving, which is keeping me busy enough, I still had my acting class with Howard Fine going all of June. I had a great month in class doing Neil Simon with a new scene partner. We challenged ourselves and although we had a rough start with our critiques, we ended June on a high note. We get a few weeks off, but we will be back and working on it again in August. :)
This past weekend, I was on set of the new webseries The Best Friend. I came on as one of the producers for my friends who created it, Marilyn Anne Michaels and Allie Smith. This was my first foray into producing but because of my business sense, love of numbers, love of communicating with people, experience on TONS of different kinds of sets, and problem solving skills, I felt like producing may just be my cup of tea. It was a rough start on Friday, trying to figure out everything and managing a slew of different personalities - but by the end of the weekend, I felt it was a successful shoot. We had some really great professional crew members that impressed me. And it was actually FUN. :) We have a quick scene to shoot on Tuesday, and then we are done for a bit. We still need to get the next 6 episodes done in July.
Hopefully this week will keep me busy with auditions and other new opportunities!
Hello Summer!